Freedom in Faith: Why Don't I Feel Free?

The numbing sting of frost against bare feet in the brutal snow of northern Pennsylvania. Is this what freedom was supposed to feel like? This question must have run through the minds of the colonial army as they camped at Valley Forge. It must have even run through the mind of an exhausted George Washington as his recent string of military defeats led the continental congress to question his leadership.

Washington and his troops had declared themselves free, but the bitter cold, disease, and hunger of Valley Forge did not feel like freedom. They were trapped by the snow and by the circumstances of war.As I write this, I am sitting in sweatpants and sipping a satisfying mug of pour-over coffee. I am comfortable, but I still find myself struggling. I am writing in the middle of a pandemic and quarantine. During all of this, my family experienced a devastating loss that rocked us to the core. We can’t gather to properly mourn. I know I’m free, but I don’t feel free; I feel trapped by grief.